While packing for Costa Rica, I remember sitting on my floor picking through my sister’s stash of assorted condoms she brought home from some kind of STD awareness fair at her school. Of course I’ll need condoms, I thought, tossing aside the flavored and expired ones. There will be surfers! There will be traveling outdoorsmen! There will be hippies who’ll wanna balance my Svadhisthana ifyaknowwhatI’msayin’.
Alas, my condom cache remains untouched: Instead of a steady stream of tanned hardbodied men, the Universe has blessed me with some of the coolest, most magical women I’ve ever met.
I’ve been lucky to have these ladies delivered to me: in a matter of weeks, we have beach days, we cruise around town on our bikes, we karaoke, dance shamelessly, talk for hours and connect. They’re beautiful souls, and make me miss my saucy Chicago gal posse.
Finding good women to be friends with is hard: Western culture breeds contempt and jealousy between women. You are supposed to compare yourself to every other woman you see: are you thinner, prettier and richer than she is? If yes, find someone else to compare yourself to. If no, agonize and torture yourself over it until you are. Repeat. With this mindset, is it any surprise that we tend to approach other women with our guards up, catty remarks readied at the tips of our tongues?
But when you get past the bullshit and find people who are secure with themselves, confident in their bodies, minds and gifts, something divine begins to happen: women lift each other up. We realize that we’re on the same team, share the same secrets and are a part of an ancient sisterhood. You know them when you see them, too: there is electricity between you, like you’ve known each other for years–or lifetimes! Talking is effortless; you bond over books and life paths and contemplate your purpose, then pore over a cryptic text or mention your cheese craving in the same breath. Being surrounded by a Lady Tribe that shares your joy, sorrows and keeps you laughing is crucial to staying balanced. Here are a few ways to cultivate an amazing group of girlfriends for yourself:
Get your head right
Of course, easier said than done. Get grounded, get to know yourself and the kind of woman you want to be. She is kind, brave, creative and loving, in touch with her desires and what nurtures her soul. She sheds what doesn’t serve her effortlessly and summons the things that make her thrive. Then start acting like that woman. Meditate, smile at strangers, set aside time to be creative and take care of yourself. Cultivate these qualities you admire. Merely putting out the intention of being powerful and confident will draw other powerful and confident people toward you, like a magnet.
Know what you’re looking for
Much like in dating, friendships tend to hold patterns. If you usually have friends that are needy because you’re naturally a caretaker, notice this. Do you have a history of getting disappointed by friends who don’t reciprocate what you put in? These are NOT the kind of people you want to hang out with! Right off the bat, clarify that you’re looking for people to boost you up and enrich your life, not hold you back.
With your words, with your compliments, with your genuine interest in the other person’s life. If you’re into someone’s sweet bag or immaculate brows, tell her! Send out those warm, sunny vibes that make you shine from the inside out. This generosity comes from a space of authenticity–a genuine desire to reach out and have someone in your life without expectations.
Feel the vibes
Spark a conversation about her mala beads, then let her know how you guys should absolutely grab some coffee because you think you have lots to talk about. A true product of my generation, I love to connect by saying “What’s your Facebook?” as I pull out my phone. It’s casual because it’s social media, and it means I mean it about keeping in touch.
Trust your gut
As you begin to hang out with your new lady friend, be open to the fact that sometimes, it just doesn’t work out. If you feel drained or left with a bad taste after you hang, maybe she’s not a fellow tribesworman after all. Whatever the reason, acknowledge it and let it go. On to the next!
Wow, these reads a lot like a dating manual, huh? Inviting positive people into your life is pretty formulaic, regardless of whether you’re trying to summon friends or lovers. What’s your tried-and-true way of bringing good folks into your posse?