When Listening to Your Body is Hard AF

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There’s this idea that listening to your body feels good. Like slipping into a warm bath or taking that nap you’ve needed. Sometimes it is. Sometimes self care and tuning into the signals your body is telling you is the the itch you’ve been wanting to scratch, the instant gratification we all love so dearly.

Sometimes, giving your body what She needs totally sucks.

Sometimes you just want to feel better. You want your energy back. You want to be pain-free. You want to move instead of feel sore.

You want to be your warrior beast when your body is being her soft little animal.

I’m about to bleed. I feel it coming with the New Moon and my belly is aching. I’m tired. My creativity feels sapped and it’s so easy to slip into a vague ennui. It’s hot here in Denver, and it feels like the Virgin Suicides’ endless, smoggy summer. Where’s my Air playlist?

I want to pop ibuprofen and guzzle some cold brew and go. I want to feel sparkly–fuck, I want to feel functional. Instead I’m having weird dreams and crying at my altar and I want a beer and a baked sweet potato right now at the same time.

I know. I know. It’s all part of the process, the cycle, the ebb and the flow. See the bottom of the page for lots of wonderful resources on how to work with your cycles. Right now, I could burn all of it and not give a damn.

Not one of them mention how hard it is to surrender to these cycles. How hard it is to surrender in general. To receive. How receiving and surrendering is a constant practice in trust for women who not only have distrust for our bodies, for the Divine, but a fear of them. That having trust in those things is dangerous, life-threatening.

To bring the Divine Feminine back into balance, heal our lineages and step into our power, we must trust.

We must have faith. We must unconditionally love what is inside of us: The fearful mother wringing her hands about money. The little girl in pain with tear-streak cheeks. The woman who has suppressed her gifts and kept her mouth shut in order to survive.

These are our ancestors. These are reflections of what has been done in our lineage and we must love, accept, and care for them in order to heal.

We live in a culture where we are so indoctrinated to GO. GO. GO. CREATE NOW. MAKE MONEY. BE A SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEUR. FUNNEL MARKETING. 

Just in case you haven’t noticed.

When I quit my job to work for myself, I pictured long morning walks interspersed with creative, flowing bursts at my computer. Coffee meetings and then working out. Dancing. Yoga. So much yoga.

It’s not like that.

I have created so much, and it’s hard for me to see that. I have an intense desire (compulsion?) to keep going, keep doing, keep hustling.

We need to pause. We need to wait. We trust that the seeds we planted are growing.

Surrender, trust and receiving are all part of the same delicious cake. A tres leches cake–how about that? You cannot dive into the decadence of the cream and not find yourself wonderfully entrenched in the other two kinds of leches. When you do work on one, you also do work on the others.

I’m knee-deep in it right now. And it doesn’t taste like cake, it tastes like ash. I want the cake, and I want it to taste like cake.

The cake is our right, it is necessary, we were meant to have and enjoy the cake!

A healing:

Lie down in a comfortable position, If you have yoga props, maybe set yourself up for a seriously juicy savasana. Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly, then say to yourself.

I trust that I am growing. That my body is wiser than my mind could ever be, and this rest is needed so I am ready and rejuvenated to expand when I am called to do so again. I trust that the seeds of my work are sprouting their tiny roots, and I send them the love and sweetness they need to burst forth from their soil.

I cut ties with any external and past conditioning that has made me feel like I am not deserving or worthy of rest, or that rest is a luxury. Rest is a necessity.

I allow myself to surrender in this rest, and receive what I need from it. I am grateful for it. So it is.

Resources:

Code Red, by Lisa Lister

Woman Code, by Alisa Vitti

The Importance of Listening to our Menstrual Cycle by Sharon Madson

Sacred Menstruation 101 by Christie Craft

Crafting your self care practice is ritual. Everyday Ritual is a strong circle of weavers where we work deeply with our own cycles, discover tools and craft sustainable, powerful ritual. Learn more:

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